Breaking Away From Coercive Control, Abusive & Toxic Relationship Patterns – 12 week Introductory programme

‘Many abused children cling to the hope that growing up will bring escape and freedom. But the personality formed in the environment of coercive control is not well adapted to adult life. The survivor is left with fundamental problems in basic trust, autonomy, and initiative.’

Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery

Why Investing in This Programme with Me?

My twelve week programme ‘Introduction to Breaking Away from Coercive Control, Abuse and Toxic Relationships course’ is an intensive twelve week 1:1 programme which will help you on your first step into recovering from abuse in your life.

I created this programme after noticing a pattern in clients consulting me and in my life of experiencing repetitive abusive relationship dynamics in various spheres of life. I had embarked in parallel on an advanced degree in Psychology and Doctorate in counselling psychology which I am in the process of completing. I started researching the topic scientifically in 2018 after I completed my MSc in Psychology. In 2019 after leaving the corporate world in the City Financial district of London and embarking in a career and training in the English National Health Service (NHS) I conducted a small scale study on ‘experiences of coercive control in the workplace’. I co-authored with Dr Lisa Aronson Fontes, an expert in coercion, domestic abuse and coercive control, an article on our initial separate findings on this topic, which we published in Psychology Today in August 2019. You can read the Article here.

The covid19 pandemic started as I was contemplating a PhD on the topic in Manchester which has a coercive control specialty or partnering with universities and other scholars to reconceptualise my study and collaborate with scholars on this topic with the view of publishing our findings. I was then sucessfully admited into my Doctorate in Counselling Psychology programme.

Today I train, work and research in the fields of neurodevelopmental conditions, complex trauma and addictions, and these clinical and academic experiences have also nourished the content of this course.

Important Points to Note:

‘Survivors are often good at both resolving and generating crisis. While this capacity to handle crisis can make you a good emergency room worker or ambulance driver, it can also be a way for you to keep yourself from feeling. If you are addicted to intensity and drama…you may be running from yourself.’
Ellen Bass, The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse

  • Abuse is a human rights violation,
  • Abuse can lead to trauma: with devastating consequences on mental health (higher levels of depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), complex PTSD, anxiety, suicide attempts and serious mental health conditions), which negatively impact performance, wellbeing, productivity and engagement, let alone reputation,
  • Abuse is rife: individuals who are experiencing abuse come from every socio/demographic/economic and protected categories (race, gender, sexual and beliefs orientation) and hierarchical positions,
  • Abuse is on a continuum: An abuser in the home will be an abuser in the workplace and vice versa,
  • Coercive control is illegal in domestic spheres in the UK. It does not just happen in the domestic sphere but in the workplace, leisure activities and places of worship too.


Signs You Might Be Facing an Abusive and/Coercive and Controlling Person
If what you say is often twisted, you have felt put-down, shamed, blamed, criticised, felt used and mistreated continuously over time, you might have been at the other end of abuse/dealing with an abuser and coercive control.

Abusive behaviour and violence are a choice to gain control (the only exception is if they have medical conditions affecting their brain). Those perpetuating the abuse use a range of tactics to manipulate others and exert their power.

The fool-proof sign that you have just been at the other end of an abusive encounter or exchange is how you feel immediately after the interaction. Ask yourself do you feel happier or suddenly, empty, lower in mood, tired or angry? If the latter you might have just been at the other end of an abusive exchange.

“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”
Nelson Mandela

Aims of The 12 week programme

My intention is to guide and support you personally as you take the first and often most difficult step in coming to grips with abuse. It might also be that you, or someone you care about, might be in the midst of, are thinking of leaving or have left, a painful, abusive, coercive or toxic relationship and you might wish to understand what they might be going through so you can support them in taking care of themselves, and their power back.

The programme provides:

  • A 50min consultation session with me to determine eligibility and readiness
  • Twelve additional weekly 50min or 90min psycho-education coaching sessions with me for the duration of the programme (one session with each lesson)
  • A roadmap to help you identify signs of abuse and coercive control in their various forms.
  • Skills to help you spot the abuser, understand their mind-set and relational dynamics
  • An understanding of how the cycle of abuse and violence operates
  • A weekly PDF lesson, videos, audios, practices and reflective exercises to start you on your journey of healing and reclaiming your power
  • Extra sessions during the course are reduced by up to 50% of their standard price
  • You will have access to all this in the comfort and safety of your own home.

Additional Coaching and Email Options: the course is available with additional options if they are helpful to you including coaching calls and email support (not part of the original investment)

After the twelve week programme you will automatically qualify to apply to take part in Intensive Online week end or Evening Workshops (by application only).

(Important notes: if you suspect that your life is at risk please contact the authorities immediately. If you are currently living with the perpetrator and experiencing severe abuse, it is not recommended that you take this course or attempt this journey alone with just one session with me weekly. Take care of yourself as you read what follows as it might be painful. Please take care of yourself and seek assistance if needed. We provide resources at the end of this article.)


‘If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.’
Dr Brené Brown

BREAK AWAY FROM ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS – 12 WEEK /MODULES PROGRAMME


(Please take care of yourself especially if you experienced severe abuse. You might need help from a therapist or counsellor. You might not be in a position to do this alone. Check in with yourself.)


Module 1 – Awareness – step 1
This module introduces the course, provides background into abuse and coercive control and introduces key concepts which will be explored further during the following 8 modules.
Module 2 – Willingness – step 2 (weeks 4,5, 6)
This is the beginning of taking your power back by taking 100% responsibility for your end, your 50%, of the 100% relationship system. It is a continuation of the ‘recognition phase’ but this time we’re going deeper by preparing to really face what has happened to us, and why we’re in an abusive relationship.
Module 2: Step 3 – Why you stay
here are various explanations which might potentially help explain why one stays in abusive patterns which we will explore in weeks 7 and 8.
Module 3: Self-responsibility (weeks 9 and 10)
In this step, we share evidence-based modalities which work over time. We provide advice on finding the right, trauma informed practitioner for you.
Module 4: Feeling to Healing
Includes Step 5 ‘Going deeper in our feelings’ and Step 6 leading to ‘living from a more connected place’.
Step 5: Reframing and Going Deeper Into Your Experience (Week 11)
In this step we continue the journey of gently reconnecting with our feelings, bodily sensations and experience welcoming all (or as much as is allowable by our organism) our feelings and learning from them. We also learn to set new boundaries because abuse is a human rights violation therefore a boundary violation.
Step 6: Living from a connected place and from the heart (Week 12)
In this step, we use all the tools we’ve learnt and start to practice challenging our beliefs and assumptions about ourself, the world, our worth and values. Integrating all we have learnt, we practice working with what arises in the moment, taking 100% responsibility for the ways in which we might be unwittingly perpetuating the situation. We also learn how we can start to celebrate ourselves.

‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent’
Eleanor Roosevelt


Your investment for the twelve week 1:1 programme depends on the support options you choose. The course is offered as part of two options:

  1. Weekly online material delivered on your chosen day (same day each week for 12 weeks) by email is £249, or
  2. As Weekly support option is offered at £150 a week which includes the course material and a 50min coaching session or £180 option which is a mini-retreat. (conditions apply).
  3. For both options, admission criteria include: openness and willingness to learn, readiness to take responsibility for yourself, readiness to change and take actions, weekly attendance and homework. Upon completion of your application, which includes a 30min zoom interview, you will be able to start this programme with me. Full payment is required before commencement and there are no refunds – this does not affect your customer rights. I reserve the right to terminate the programme at my discretion if any of the terms aforementioned are not upheld.

If you are interested in learning more about this programme or you wish to register your interest, or experiencing working in more depth one on one with me, please connect with me using our website form here. I aim to reply within 48 hours.

I run regular online evenings and weekend workshops based on this course. You can read testimonials from past clients throughout my website.

Resources
UK: Call Women’s Aid UK at 0808 2000 247.
U.S &Canada: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
UK: ManKind Initiative at 01823 334244.