Breaking Away From Coercive Control, Abusive & Toxic Relationship Patterns 10 weeks 1:1 coaching programme
My ten week programme ‘Introduction to Breaking Away from Coercive Control, Abuse and Toxic Relationships course‘ is an intensive ten week 1:1 programme which will help you on your first step into recovering from abuse in your life.
I created this programme after recovering from abusive relationships myself and after I started researching the topic scientifically with a study on ‘experiences of coercive control‘ I led on and conducted in 2019. Some of my findings were published in an article co-authored with Dr Lisa Aronson Fontes, an expert in coercion, domestic abuse and coercive control, published in Psychology Today in August 2019. You can read the Article here.
Why Investing in This Programme with Me?
I am a doctoral trainee in counselling psychology, a researcher, academic, trainer, executive coach, public speaker and therapist (currently going through BACP accreditation as part of finishing the first year of my Doctorate). I went through Dr Margaret Paul’s (www.innerbonding.com) rigorous facilitator training, training directly with her over 6 years and have assisted her in Colorado, USA. I consider Dr Margaret Paul a mentor. I am an accredited InnerBonding facilitator part of its staff. InnerBonding is a unique modality which is certified and guaranteed to help you recover from multiple ailments. I have also researched it scientifically over a ten week study I devised as part of my Master thesis. It is difficult to describe the modality as it is the fruit of Margaret’s over fifty year career as psychotherapist and combined inner child and transpersonal work with some psycho-education, humanistic, CBT elements and experiential features! As you can see it is impossible to define it but it is rooted in evidenced based humanistic emotion focused modalities with elements of internal family system and compassion work.
The two top reasons most cited by individuals experiencing mental health issues who approach me for assistance are: 1) abuse: in all its forms and complexity including coercion, coercive control and manipulation, toxic (severely dysfunctional) relationships, and in personal and professional interaction, and 2) trauma. These are experienced in a variety of contexts and environments, at home, work or in leisure activities.
Like shame, abuse does not make for a popular topic of discussion! In fact when I am asked what I do in life and I say I work in neurodevelopment services in autism and research the body/mind connection with yoga, meditation and spiritual cognitive behaviour therapies people are really interested. However, when I say I also research abuse, trauma and coercive control, people excuse themselves and walk off!
However, breaking stigma and continuing to raise awareness around these topics is essential for prevention and recovery. Many mental health issues are the result of abuse and trauma with many of my clients citing being in abusive or coercive & controlling relationships.
Many of the sort of abuse which people report can lead to illness, including stress, post traumatic stress and complex post traumatic stress with many days of work lost. In addition to this, some of this abuse is illegal and can lead to reputational damage, legal and other actions. This course might therefore benefit anyone working in human resources, those responsible for managing others, lawyers and health workers.
Important Points to Note:
- Abuse is a human rights violation.
- Abuse can lead to trauma: with devastating consequences on mental health (higher levels of depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety, suicide attempts and serious mental health conditions), which negatively impact performance, wellbeing, productivity and engagement, let alone reputation.
- Abuse is rife: individuals who are experiencing abuse come from every socio/demographic/economic and protected categories (race, gender, sexual and beliefs orientation) and hierarchical positions.
- Coercive control is illegal in domestic spheres in the UK. It does not just happen in the domestic sphere but in the workplace, leisure activities and places of worship too.
“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”
Nelson Mandela
What is Coercive Control?
Check our article in Psychology Today unveiling our research with co-author Dr Lisa Fontes here.
Aims of The 10 Modules 1:1 Programme
My intention is to guide and support you personally as you take the first and most difficult step in coming to grips with abuse. It might also be that you, or someone you care about, might be in the midst of, are thinking of leaving or have left, a painful, abusive, coercive or toxic relationship and you might wish to understand what they might be going through so you can support them in taking their power back.
The programme provides:
- Ten weekly 50min psychological coaching sessions with me
- A roadmap to help you identify signs of abuse and coercive control in their various forms.
- Skills to help you spot the abuser, understand their mind-set and relational dynamics
- An understanding of how the cycle of abuse and violence operates
- A weekly PDF lesson, Videos, audios, practices and reflective exercises to start you on your journey of healing and reclaiming your power.
- You will have access to all this in the comfort and safety of your own home.
- Additional Coaching and Email Options: the course is available with additional options if they are helpful to you including coaching calls and email support (not part of the original investment)
- After the ten week programme you will automatically qualify to apply to take part in Intensive Online week end or Evening Workshops (by application only).
(Important notes: if you suspect that your life is at risk please contact the authorities immediately. If you have experienced severe abuse, it is not recommended you take this course or attempt this journey alone with just one session with me weekly . Take care of yourself as you read what follows as it might be painful. Please take care of yourself and seek assistance if needed. We provide resources at the end of this article.)
“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.”
Dr Brené Brown
What is Abuse? What is an Abusive/Toxic or Coercive Controlling Relationship?
Did you know that abuse is “any act which violates your human rights” (NHS England)?
Signs You Might Be Facing an Abusive and/Coercive and Controlling Person
If what you say is often twisted, you have felt put-down, shamed, blamed, criticised, felt used and mistreated continuously over time, you might have been at the other end of abuse/dealing with an abuser and coercive control.
Abusive behaviour and violence is a choice to gain control (the only exception is if they have medical conditions affecting their brain). Those perpetuating the abuse use a range of tactics to manipulate others and exert their power.
BREAK AWAY FROM ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS – 10 MODULES PROGRAMME
(Please take care of yourself especially if you experienced severe abuse. You might need help from a therapist or counsellor. You might not be in a position to do this alone. Check in with yourself.)
Module 1 – Introduction
This module introduces the course, provides background into abuse and coercive control and introduces key concepts which will be explored further during the following 8 modules.
Module 2 – Recognition & Admission
Recognising and admitting to yourself, and others, including those who are supportive and a healthcare professional, that you are being abused or are in toxic interactions is brave and vital for change to occur and lead a happy fulfilling life.
Module 3: Recognition (continued)
This is the beginning of taking our power back by taking 100% responsibility for our end, the 50%, of the relationship system. It is a continuation of the ‘recognition phase’ but this time we’re going deeper by preparing to really face what has happened to us, and why we’re in an abusive relationship.
Module 4: Why You Stay
You’ll learn more about why people tend to stay in abusive relationships, identify your own pattern with compassion uncovering the possible reasons you might be where you are today. In this step we do practices and exercises to help us uncover the reasons why and start deep healing.
Module 5: Understanding
In this module, we share evidence-based modalities which work over time. We provide advice on finding the right, trauma informed practitioner for you. We also provide practices and exercises to accompany you whilst you continue your exploration to get in touch with “the unlived life’ that’s within you”, that you’ve been avoiding.
Module 6 – Why You Stay – Going Deeper Into Our Experience
In this module, we delve deeper in our practices to start reconnecting with our feelings, bodily sensations and experience. We allow ourself to start feeling “our shadow side”, our anger and pain too, in a safe and effective way, which can be practiced in the safety of your own home.
Modules 7 & 8 – The Turning Point
In this module, we use all the tools we’ve learnt so far and practice challenging our erroneous beliefs about ourself, our worth and values. We also learn to set new boundaries because abuse is a human right violation therefore a boundary violation. You will be guided throughout to empower yourself again.
Modules 9- Reframing Your Experience
In this module, we look at boundaries and start implementing what we’ve learnt with exercises and new foundations.
Module 10 – Living From a Connected Place
In this module we explore what “reframing our experience” means and what it would feel like to celebrate ourselves.
Module 11 – Optional – Coaching and Q&A
This module is available to those who have completed the course in ten weeks by invitation only. It will give you an opportunity to ask questions and consolidate your learning as well as continuing your work.
In this part of the journey, I support clients as a counsellor, helping clients deep dive into areas they wish to explore.
‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent’
Eleanor Roosevelt
Your investment for the ten week 1:1 programme is £1,499 (conditions apply). Admission criteria include: openness and willingness to learn, readiness to take responsibility for yourself, readiness to change and take actions, weekly attendance and homework. Upon completion of your application, which includes a 30min zoom interview, you will be able to start this programme with me. Full payment is required before commencement and there are no refunds – this does not affect your customer rights. I reserve the right to terminate the programme at my discretion if any of the terms aforementioned are not upheld.
If you are interested in learning more about this programme or you wish to register your interest, or experiencing working in more depth one on one with me, please email me at: [email protected]. I aim to reply within 48 hours.
I run regular in-person weekend workshops in London, including workshops based on this course. Below is a testimonial from one of our workshop participants:
“The two day workshop with Irena was illuminating. Irena created a nurturing and safe space to facilitate the exploration and healing of the false beliefs and unhelpful habits I had unconsciously been living by. The depth of work achieved in the space of the course was profound; although challenging, Irena was there to support and encourage through every step of the way. At the end of the workshop, I left with a profound sense peace within and the knowledge that I can continue this work myself having created a deep love an understanding of myself with Irena’s guidance. Thankyou for the wonderful blessing that this workshop has been”.
CB Healthcare Professional, Australia
Read what our clients have said throughout our website.
Resources
UK: Call Women’s Aid UK at 0808 2000 247.
U.S &Canada: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
UK: ManKind Initiative at 01823 334244.